Better Man.

‘That girl makes me wanna be better’

Jock sent me a song again. Right in the throes of my anger towards him, he goes and softens me up. Because that’s what he does. He knows how to push my buttons and he knows how to calm me down again. He lets me vent and rage for a few days and then he pops back up with the cutest of gestures. Normally its in the form of a song, and this time is no exception.

Of course, I’m glossing over the fact that he got the name wrong of the song three times before we finally figured it out, and even then that was only because of my own tactical use of Google. But still, the cute and romantic gesture was there. I make him want to be a better man, and if I see fit, he’s gonna treat me like a real man can. That’s the moral of the story here, isn’t it?

But then again, didn’t I already know this? Didn’t I already know that he was perfect for me? Didn’t I already have our life mapped out? The wedding I’ve already planned and the baby we’re already having in my head. He just doesn’t know about it yet. But he will, eventually I know he will.

I love him. I really love him. Even when I’m pissed at him, I love him. I really need to get a grip of myself. I need to stop expecting perfection. Who wants perfection when you can have someone as bonkers and as fun as the guy I’ve got right here in my hands. So what if we can’t go out drinking together without me starting a fight or lambing him? So what if he’s not the fittest guy I’ve ever dated. So what if I’m not the perfect girl he wants me to be? We have fun. All the time we have fun. He makes me happy every day. I might be angry at him but I’ll still read something that makes me think of him and smile, or I’ll see something I desperately wanna share with him. And let’s face it, if I want him to be a better man, shouldn’t I first make myself a better woman? Shouldn’t I learn how to jump up and wanna fight at the smallest little thing? Shouldn’t I take a step back and enjoy some quiet reflection before I turn around and throw away what could end up being the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. And I genuinely think it is too. I’ve never been this happy, this relaxed, or this chilled out with anyone. Not even Big Love saw me the way that Jock sees me sometimes.

And I miss him. I had today off. I’m not sure when is his last day this week. It’s not the sorta thing you can ask in the middle of a fight, is it? I had kinda hoped he’d message me today and wanna hang out. I’m working the next two days, and I think that means tonight is the only night we can see each other. But nothing yet. It’s 6pm. What are the chances?